For any of you who have followed the blog, or any of you close friends who have walked through the past couple years with us, this entry will come as no surprise. For others of you who see the smiling faces and the huge success from the OUTside, a few rolled eyes might ensue. :) Still, this is another story of baby-step progress...and of God's role in it all. Another part of the story we must tell for it to be complete.
After 2 1/2 years, Ange-Laurette had still only shed a few small tears...of which she was confused about. We have worked on defining feeling words and the physical signs that go with them. We have talked through various situations that might cause a person to feel sadness/anger/doubt/frustration etc. She has journaled privately, visited with a counselor, and had many opportunities to walk through this with me as well. But if a person's heart is literally LOCKED, then those are just more words that confuse and more evidence to her that she is "not getting" something. So, we continue to create a safe and nurturing environment to help that heart open up. We continue to love, despite a lack of reciprocation...trusting and hoping that God knew what was best by placing us together.
Bruce and I had prayed repeatedly about this long and difficult bonding process, with and without Ange-Laurette present. Then, a couple weeks ago the message in church was on how to create godly relationships with our children. When they offered up prayer stations after the service, we all 3 went to a couple up front. We did not know them personally...only that they were prayer warriors who would listen to God and pray what needed to be prayed over Ange-Laurette. Within seconds, they began: praying that she would trust her new parents and accept their hugs and love; that she would let herself weep and cry over all the tough things from her past; and that God would offer an encouraging break-through soon for all of us. The peace and comfort that fell over all of us was amazing! Ange-Laurette lowered her shoulders and took deeper breaths immediately...just a sense of relief of sorts.
But the next two days brought the typical disobeying and disregarding of rules and routines. After one night of several "corrections", I suggested she take her journal to the sunroom to just write down all of her thoughts about the past week...to let it all out...just for her to read alone. 20 minutes later, I found her curled up on the chair SOBBING. She explained how she cannot remember anything much from Haiti and wanted to be more trusted but didn't know how. I was so happy to see that emotion. She smiled when I cheered. :) I said, "You know what? You cannot have that much emotion if your heart is still locked! You are opening it up! Now, can I tell you all the things I've wanted you to hear, now that it's open? :)" I proceeded to share how good she has been for our faith and our family...how very much we love her and treasure her...and how we will be patient and hopeful to the end. She melted into my arms for the first time...not all stiff and forced as she had been for years.
The next morning, she brought in her journal with a new song she had written (with a dance to go along with that :) It said, "Cuz I know that you love me; cuz I know that you care...and we are gonna get there, someday, some way." Yes, the weeks since have had similar ups and downs...moments that leave us shaking our heads, but also moments that melt our hearts.
Here, Ange-Laurette was praying for her birthmother before releasing a balloon, as we do each Mother's Day. Hope. Endurance. Perseverance. We will finish the race...and with God's wisdom will become mature and complete. (James 1)
For any of you who have followed the blog, or any of you close friends who have walked through the past couple years with us, this entry will come as no surprise. For others of you who see the smiling faces and the huge success from the OUTside, a few rolled eyes might ensue. :) Still, this is another story of baby-step progress...and of God's role in it all. Another part of the story we must tell for it to be complete.
After 2 1/2 years, Ange-Laurette had still only shed a few small tears...of which she was confused about. We have worked on defining feeling words and the physical signs that go with them. We have talked through various situations that might cause a person to feel sadness/anger/doubt/frustration etc. She has journaled privately, visited with a counselor, and had many opportunities to walk through this with me as well. But if a person's heart is literally LOCKED, then those are just more words that confuse and more evidence to her that she is "not getting" something. So, we continue to create a safe and nurturing environment to help that heart open up. We continue to love, despite a lack of reciprocation...trusting and hoping that God knew what was best by placing us together.
Bruce and I had prayed repeatedly about this long and difficult bonding process, with and without Ange-Laurette present. Then, a couple weeks ago the message in church was on how to create godly relationships with our children. When they offered up prayer stations after the service, we all 3 went to a couple up front. We did not know them personally...only that they were prayer warriors who would listen to God and pray what needed to be prayed over Ange-Laurette. Within seconds, they began: praying that she would trust her new parents and accept their hugs and love; that she would let herself weep and cry over all the tough things from her past; and that God would offer an encouraging break-through soon for all of us. The peace and comfort that fell over all of us was amazing! Ange-Laurette lowered her shoulders and took deeper breaths immediately...just a sense of relief of sorts.
But the next two days brought the typical disobeying and disregarding of rules and routines. After one night of several "corrections", I suggested she take her journal to the sunroom to just write down all of her thoughts about the past week...to let it all out...just for her to read alone. 20 minutes later, I found her curled up on the chair SOBBING. She explained how she cannot remember anything much from Haiti and wanted to be more trusted but didn't know how. I was so happy to see that emotion. She smiled when I cheered. :) I said, "You know what? You cannot have that much emotion if your heart is still locked! You are opening it up! Now, can I tell you all the things I've wanted you to hear, now that it's open? :)" I proceeded to share how good she has been for our faith and our family...how very much we love her and treasure her...and how we will be patient and hopeful to the end. She melted into my arms for the first time...not all stiff and forced as she had been for years.
The next morning, she brought in her journal with a new song she had written (with a dance to go along with that :) It said, "Cuz I know that you love me; cuz I know that you care...and we are gonna get there, someday, some way." Yes, the weeks since have had similar ups and downs...moments that leave us shaking our heads, but also moments that melt our hearts.
Here, Ange-Laurette was praying for her birthmother before releasing a balloon, as we do each Mother's Day. Hope. Endurance. Perseverance. We will finish the race...and with God's wisdom will become mature and complete. (James 1)
