Updating all of you on the ups and downs of the past two months would take too long tonight. Instead, I will sum it up with an excerpt from the most wonderful book I am reading right now. It is the first book I have read in quite some time. A friend quoted it at a church service celebrating Adoption Month. I have been mesmerized by it ever since. It is called "Kisses from Katie." Included are journal entries from this young American who dedicates her life to Uganda, where she comes to adopt numerous girls as her own. For all of you have adopted, you will love her take on it:
"My family and I get all the questions: Why do you do it? Why so many children? How in the world? Why these specific children? Do you think it's okay to adopt as a single mother? Don't they need a father too? Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race as they are?
We also get the compliments: I don't know how you do it! Good job! You must be so responsible! Your girls must be so well behaved.
We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between. This is our perfectly God-orchestrated familiy. I don't mean to give the impression that this all happened naturally or easily; there were definite struggles involved. I believe that adoption is absolutely God ordained, but it is also about the most unnatural way to grow a family. And it comes with huge heartache and huge God-wrestling.
How do I tell a child I love her when she doesn't know love? How do I expect her to trust me when all she has ever known is broken trust? I prove it. I earn it. I remind them over and over again with words, actions, hugs, and kisses. I remind myself over and over again that Christ incarnated in the parent is the only hope of incarnating Christ in a child. When a child bites me, hits me, or looks into my eyes and tries to shove me away so she can hurt me before I hurt her; when a child overeats to the point of vomiting because she was once so hunghry and is afraid of that hunger or she hides food under her cover "just in case;" when my child cries out for a birthmother or birthfather who was abusive, what then?
I love anyway. I get on my knees and I cry to God about the hurt they have experienced and I ask Him why. And then I remember that a good God who wants good for His children can give only good. I remember that all of this, even this hard part, is working for the good in their lives, for the good of God and His kingdom. I remember that these hardships are gifts that He is using to strengthen us as a family and in Him so that He may transform us into His likeness.
We cherish the grace that is this unique family. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: "These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with."
Wow. I could barely take in how very real these words were to me. The past two months, as we neared the 2 year mark, we experienced some tough set-backs...or at least "continuing tough issues" that FELT like set-backs because we certainly expected them to have subsided by now. They aren't big things, but they are such important things to Bruce and me. The disobeying and lack of remorse and lack of affection were wearing us thin. Yet, we still believed as much as ever that God placed these two specific children in our home, as much for US as for THEM. We laugh at times at how naive we first were...to think that the adjustment would be so natural once they learned English. HA!
We had been told by others to just wait for the one-year mark, when we would truly feel like a family. Yes, that one-year mark was notably different and reassuring. But it has been the 2-year mark that is making us more and more certain that this will be a life-long journey. :)
We love all 5 of our children, and our son's wife, as our own. We would give anything for them! But the warm fuzziness of each relationship progresses at it's own pace, that is for sure. We want to hold true to our promise to be honest and open, yet encouraging and faithful throughout this process....to all of you not as far along in the process and to all of you just starting out the process. When you know for sure that God has called you to adoption, He will follow it through to completion. The author of this book also reminded me that God DOES give us more that we can handle...and that is so we will remember that we must ALWAYS depend on Him.
