Adoptions Finalized !!

The day before school started, we were able to finalize the adoptions in South Dakota. It was a quiet morning at our local court house, with a couple close friends and one of our adoption workers from Sioux Falls present. The judge smiled and commented on our bright colors and smiles...a much happier sight than most mornings! He quickly signed the paperwork as he shared that he had followed our story...."a great story." As we walked out, the kids noticed the single file of the NEXT lucky few to enter the courthouse. Ange-Laurette asked, "Why are those guys all dressed the same?" (in black and white stripes!) Pierre said, "Yeah, why are their hands tied together?" We said, "Let's just say that this morning is the ONLY time you probably want to visit the judge!"

We celebrated with breakfast at Perkins...and looked forward to the much bigger celebration at our house that weekend. The morning only made official what we already felt: these two precious children are definitely already our own. Although we ALWAYS value their past and the sacrifices of their birth families, we feel all the love and responsibility any other parent should. Mostly "love"!!

Top 10 Reasons... this was our Best Family Vacation Yet!

#10. We girls conquered our fears of heights on the aerial tramway and alpine slide
#9. We had a 3 bedroom cabin at Palmer Gulch (rather than our usual 6 to a room)
#8. Dane and Ashley were able to make the trip from Minneapolis and catch up on some heated wiffle ball

#7. We found the balance of large group, family, and alone time over 6 days
#6. The Lears finished strong in the beanbag tournament, dodging waterballoons launched from oversized slingshots
#5. The kids got to finally meet cousin Jack (huggable one-year-old!), my brother, and lots of new extended family...and they were completely themselves at this "over 6 month" point

#4. We got to visit Diana, the adoption coordinator that matched us with Pierre and Ange-Laurette. They amazed her with their English and encouraged her with their healthy happy smiles!
#3. The kids climbed rocks, swam in Sylvan Lake, went on a hayride, toured Mt. Rushmore, rode horses, and just plain enjoyed the beauty of the Black Hills

#2. Our awesome teenage daughter did not so much as roll her eyes :)
#1. No (carsick) ziplocs were needed for either 8-hour ride or the winding mountain roads!

Haitian Adoption Decrees granted!!

Soon after the earthquake, our adoption coordinator told us that she and the orphanage director in Port-au-Prince would continue to work to complete the kids' adoptions in Haiti, amidst the chaos there. It was important for all future Haitian adoptions that they try to follow all the legal steps there. However, we were asked to proceed, at the same time, by completing the adoptions here in South Dakota. Bruce and I assumed that we would never have all the original paperwork for our kids, and we highly doubted that the steps could be completed in Haiti, considering the state of Port-au-Prince. (although we were VERY grateful for their efforts)

Early June, we received an email from our adoption coordinator that we had to read three or four times to believe it. She had located both children's original paperwork in the orphanage director's office in Haiti. Not only that, but enclosed in their files were each child's Haitian Adoption Decrees! Somehow, amidst everything there, our cases had continued to go through the legal steps, with birthparent signatures and attorney signatures etc. On March 30, 2010, our kids had been legally pronounced our children with Lear as their last names. We now have the original paperwork in our hands: blue ink, tattered and torn, certified and stamped! It was the best piece of UPS mail we'd ever received!!!

By late September, we should be able to have the adoption completed here in South Dakota as well. (Just a formalization of what already is.) There will be a HUGE party like no other on that day. :) The kids are already planning all the details. We received notification today that our kids are now considered Category 1, which will help with citizenship issues later on.

We know that other families have not been as fortunate in locating their paperwork or even in receiving their adopted children yet. We pray daily for an end to their wait as well. There are still 8 children waiting in Pittsburgh, who have been linked to approved families with beds and loving homes waiting. Pray that the officials involved will speed up the process. These 8 kids need to start their new lives with their families, like ours were able to do.

Interview with Grandma Pat

Our cancelled trip with my mom to Haiti in January did not stop her from pursuing a trip to Haiti and finding a way to help the people there. Late May she spent over a week with Helping Hands to Haiti. They spent time in Port-au-Prince and a nearby village, delivering donations, discovering needs, and offering a Bible School. When she returned, the kids and I headed to Sioux Falls to help with a mission project at her church. The community had donated hundreds of bags of t-shirts that would be cut into strips and crocheted into mats for mothers and their children in Haiti. During the event, various adoptive parents shared their experiences. The kids were able to listen to me share a slideshow and tell their story. I was a little leary at first and told them they could wait in another room. I explained that parts of the story were kinda sad and new...and that people would all look at them as I shared details. Pierre smiled and said, "People always look. It's ok." Ange-Laurette added, "Oh, I've heard the story MANY times!" So, they were there and hanging on every word.


I was so touched by the dozens of people who just heard about the project from the newspaper and came over to work for a couple hours out of their Saturday. It just plain feels good to be able to do something so tangible for such a desperate people a world away. I am proud of my parents and their commitment to mission work, but especially for their heart for Haiti. They not only care...but they are DOING something so vital for this place and time.

Nearing that 6 month mark ~

The gap in between blog entries speaks for itself! :) Adjusting to a summer routine all home together, just as we were exiting the honeymoon period as a family of 6, was a bit trickier than we'd thought...but we made it through! There is not any specific thing we can place our finger on that made things so rough...nor is there one specific thing that can account for the tremendous positive changes in the past week or two. What we know for sure is that the nearing SIX MONTH milestone will be a celebrated one!!


We also now can see that true "callings" carry true "trials." Part of God's purpose in that must be the indescribeable blessings we are all now sensing. The exhaustion we (and the kids!) felt in the teaching and reteaching is resulting in two very social and well-adjusted kiddos. Their humor is evident throughout the day, as if they are not having to work so hard simply to communicate. They are confident and totally independent in play dates. Ange-Laurette had a swim party with 5 friends and could not have been distinguished without her swim cap and great "tan." :) Pierre was invited to lunch and miniature golf with 3 boys this afternoon. You should have seen his face light up as he hugged me, said "thank you," and ran off. The spats around the house are the ordinary ones you would expect with 3 elementary schoolers looking for something to do. We get a kick out of them saying they are bored....and that they are too hot outside (in South Dakota?)!


The sweetest moments are those where they just "get it." They imitate a type of sarcasm with a smile; they learn a new family card game; they leave a note on the frig saying "Best mom in the world"; they answer the phone and take a message; they give the thumbs up across the softball field or basketball court; they "drum" out the beat as they sing along to the printed words at church; they wait to see their first fireworks; and even when they just greet us in the morning saying, "Hmmmm, looks like a pretty good day out there today."


Pierre and I were talking about privileges here in America and it led to talking about why he thinks his birthmother and birthfather chose adoption for him. He said simply, "They wanted me to have enough food to eat." I was expecting all those other things I list when people are surprised to hear that our kids do have living birthparents who love them still in Haiti. But we will never understand it as well as Pierre and Ange-Laurette. Pierre went on to explain that his birthparents wanted him to be able to see a doctor now and go to school. Then he added, "Maybe they knew I'd have my fun little brother Nate." Somebody knew. God knew. And, although we have a long ways to go before we can see all the pieces put together like God already sees, I sure like the "picture" better each day now!

Thoughts to start summer...

What a whirl of a 3 months of school that was! The growth socially, academically, and emotionally for these two children (for the whole FAMILY actually) was truly dramatic. We try to stay focused on the progress they have made, rather than getting bummed about the huge gap that remains. Both Pierre and Ange-Laurette made over one year gain in the area of mathematics in 3 months. They adapted to most of the school rules and social norms. Still, they really struggle with the expectation that they sit quietly the majority of the day. I am sure they think we are half nuts with all our rules, coming from a life outdoors with over 50 kids for the past two years. Raising their hand before speaking was not exactly something they had been required to do. :) No one ever cared or noticed that Pierre was constantly rapping out a tune with his mouth noises...or that Ange-Laurette drummed out her excitement throughout the day. No one likely corrected them when they forcefully fought for their turn on the one set of monkey bars. No one heard that they were chewing with their mouths open or holding up their plate to their mouths to get the very last morsel. I can't imagine what Bruce and I sound like throughout the dinner hour or on the car rides. Why the need to be so quiet? Why such privacy? Why should we be courteous when we're frustrated with someone? The questions in their heads must go on and on.


We start summer with full mornings of tutoring, tennis, and basketball...and full evenings and weekends of baseball and softball. Still, we have much more laid-back time and much more time just together. They will spend hours playing four-square in the driveway or making up games on the trampoline. Friends call now and then for a bike ride to the park. The car rides to and from activities are great times to answer their questions and for them to share stories from their years in Haiti.


As stories surface among other families adopting kids from the same orphanage about tough conditions at the orphanage, we have chosen to not panic or overthink them. We knew from the beginning that adopting older children from Haiti would mean that they would have likely experienced trauma, before and after arriving at the orphanange. Even an orphanage exceeding world-wide standards is still an orphanage. The nannies (as loved as they were) were not trained or supervised. The other children they lived with came from equally traumatizing backgrounds. We knew that. We work hard to listen to the details our kids share without showing shock. We respond matter-of-factly that some things that were ok in Haiti are simply not ok here. We not only use it as a teaching time to share our values and expectations...but we use it as a time to reaffirm our commitment to them to keep them safe, fed, and loved. This keeps the door open for further conversations, and it avoids us judging their culture or second-guessing the love of their caretakers in Haiti.


I really, really encourage any other adoptive parents to do the same. As a psychologist, I believe that the best way to help them through any trauma they have experienced is by not creating more drama about it through questioning or overreacting. We help them share every detail they can remember now, so we can have information to help them later. Without condemning their past experiences, we reassure them of what their future will be like here: They will always have enough water and food; we will never hit them but will teach them right from wrong through positive discipline and instruction; and they can choose to have appropriate relationships with the opposite sex at each stage of life, with our help and the boundaries we set.


These two 9-year-olds have experienced hunger, abondonment, and harsh discipline... and have witnessed death, an earthquake, and more than one hurricane. We do not want to underestimate or be insensitive to the trauma some kids are still experiencing. We are just sharing that ours show very little trauma. We know that they have been prayed over by hundreds of you for months on end. We also know that Pierre and Ange-Laurette go to sleep believing whole-heartedly that this is their forever home...that they are forever safe...and that they are unconditionally loved. If only every child had that tonight.

Field trip to the zoo

I signed up to help chaperone the 3rd graders on their field trip to the local zoo. Both of my kids were in my small group, so I had the chance to watch them interact with their classmates. They ran to show others their favorite animals; remembered their quarters to feed the goats; and volunteered to be first to milk the new "pretend" cow.


It was a beautiful day and one to mark down, as likely my last "chaperoning" event. There will be few opportunities for volunteering with my new full-time status at work next year. But I decided that was ok. The day earlier I had hurried to the school to catch the last part of their school field day. I was reprimanded by my first grader who was embarrassed to have me show up. So, this new stage of independence for all three younger kids will be a welcome step for all of us. :)