Always on our minds ~

There's never a short response to "How was your trip?" There just simply is no way to describe it without giving God all the glory. His hand has been evident in each aspect of this adoption process. It makes us a little sad when people look at us skeptically when we say that...or when they underestimate the power of prayer throughout the past few months. But we will keep giving credit where credit is due! It has been 3 months now since our trip to Haiti. We won't be able to visit again until September. As the months have passed, our emotions have taken the typical roller coaster ride that many adoptive parents experience. We definitely left a piece of ourselves there at BRESMA. There are not many hours that pass without thinking about Pierre and Ange-Laurette, just like we do our other 3 children. They are missed at the table and in the car and at each family gathering, as if we all knew them for years.

We sent each of them a small photo album with all the pictures we had taken in Haiti. Our adoption coordinator, Diana, delivered them in April when she visited. She also had us call so Pierre and Ange-Laurette could sing me happy birthday. This time, Diana was able to interpret a few of the things they said, which meant so much. They listed a few requests: that we send a doll with hair, good smelling body lotion, super hero figurines, and Gran-may-gran (my mom)! They insist that my mom join us for one of the trips. How can kids already know the spoiling that is bound to happen?! Diana also surprised us with a Mother's Day package of artwork and notes the kids had done for us while she was there at the orphanage. Above are a few of their drawings next to the next packages we sent their way.

As tough as it is to know we have 3 more months before we can see them, we choose to stay positive...knowing that they will be safe and cared for until the day they join us. We eagerly await each new photo through email, from either the nannies or our adoption coordinator. Each photograph (even if we just catch a glimpse of them in the background) is so treasured! One day we received an email that a huge donation of superfood had arrived to their orphanage, after years of being held in customs for needed paperwork and fees. There was a photo of Pierre holding his personal packet. Each child would be able to have one meal a day, to supplement their other food, for 3 months. Another photo showed Ange-Laurette close-up enough to see that her new tooth had grown in! The photos remind us that they are doing well.

The most recent photos were taken as they opened packages we had sent with other visiting families. These are especially fun to see! A friend bought us a kit to iron photos onto t-shirts for them. Pierre's t-shirt had a photo of our two sons at a football game; Ange-Laurette's said "my new family" in creyole and had all 3 kids from our trip to an amusement park last summer. I'm not sure who enjoys the gift packages more: Pierre and Ange-Laurette or ME, as I get to shop for them and think through what might be most meaningful. The most fun part is trying to include a handwritten note with photos, in both English and my attempt at Creyole. It's a treat to be able to send things, and we hope it lets them know that we remember their favorites; we miss them; and we love them like crazy!

The question: How could you leave them?

Parents commented before we made the trip, "I don't think I could leave them once I met them!" We have heard this as many times as we have heard, "Why does the adoption process take so long?!" They are fair, but tough, questions/comments. For us, Pierre and Ange-Laurette led the way. They seemed to have a better understanding of the process...of the long time it takes...and of the reasons their birthparents chose adoption for them. We had one sad night where Pierre had a tear running down his cheek before bed. And this photo was taken on the ride back to the orphanage. They kept hoping our answer to "when are you coming back" would change. Many parents would return in June, but we needed to wait until September. As we arrived, Pierre conceded: "Oke. Septanm." They ran inside, with their backpacks filled with enough toys and treats to share with all the kids there. They would be King and Queen for the day, along with the other two families' kids returning. We handed out the purses we had gotten for the nannies there. An interpreter helped us with a conversation with Pierre's birthmother. It was an emotional yet sweet time as we both shared how God had answered our prayers at the same time. We told her, "We love Pierre already." She responded, "I love you already." The kids mingled with their friends and gave quick hugs goodbye.

We held back our tears until the van door closed and we heard the youngest girl crying for her mother, who sat behind us. The trip to the airport was long...and the scenery even harder to watch pass by. But it reminded us exactly WHY we are doing what we are doing...and how life changing this will be for these kids.

Dakota or BRESMA?

The night before we were to leave, I took the advice of another parent and drew two pictures: one of our house and luggage with a plane: DAKOTA (since that is what they called our home); and one of the orphanage with all the kids and their two backpacks: BRESMA (the name of the orphanage). We laid out all the clothes, toys, jewelry, and snacks on the bed. As I held up each item, I asked "Dakota or BRESMA?"

THIS was my toughest moment...because (with the exception of food items) they almost always said "Dakota." They knew that anything that returned with them would become free game for all the kids, would eventually get ruined, and would not remain special. So, even their new favorite stuffed animals and sunglasses and dolls would go home in our suitcases. We did insist that they keep a few of the clothes they might outgrow, the soccer ball, and the jumpropes (telling them we would bring more next time). We found them trying to sneak in all our shampoo, lotions, and even the pads of butter from supper!

A World Away from South Dakota!

If Bruce and I didn't look out the window of the patio toward the hillside, we would soon forget where we were. One night after dark, I went out to pick up towels from the patio. All I saw from the spot this photo was taken was darkness and one small campfire. I heard dogs barking and a few baby cries. That was all. During the day, the zoom on the camera showed what we knew to be true: no electricity, no trash bins or pick-up, no plumbing, no streets, no windows. And this was one of the better parts of the city, where homes were built of sturdy stucco and where the water would not run as deep in a hurricane. They knew no different...nor did our Haitian kids.

We could only guess their enjoyment by the length of time they spent washing their hands in warm water. They were careful to share everything from their snacks to pool toys to markers. They didn't seem to understand that what we had brought was actually just for them. At supper, Pierre would take my plate from the server if he tried to clear it with any food remaining. He would eat what he could and then would offer it to the rest of the kids at the table. Likewise, the kids would put any item they might not like, like radishes or scrambled eggs, on my plate to eat. We decided we would need to work on "cleaning our plates" more back at home, to avoid any disrespect they might feel seeing us waste so much food.

It was fun to see what clothes they preferred...since we'd been guessing on what to send them until then. Ange-Laurette rummaged through a stack of clothes to pick anything sparkly or dress-like each day, just as we were sure she did each day at the orphanage. Pierre took a liking to the more formal polo shirts and khaki belted shorts, rather than the swishy athletic shorts and tees boys prefer here. He was so careful to fold up his clothes each day and return them to his side of the suitcase. Trash went on the floor...or over the side of the patio railing, as we noticed was a part of culture there. All else was meticulously picked up.

We watched them in wonder and soaked in every little moment. Still, we missed our kids at home and were anxious to hear news of a new baby nephew being born back in the States. It was hard to have no phone contact, but we had internet access for email and sent updates with photos nightly. That seemed to help Bailey and Nate feel connected to our experience. We knew that our purpose there was to bond with these kids....and that we did!!

How we passed the days...

For the next few days, we communicated amazingly through the nonverbals we normally take for granted. We said the few phrases we knew frequently: "How are you? Are you happy? We're happy to know you. We love you." We also had Turnbull's English/Kreyole dictionary to look up specific words we might need to use: wash, supper, bed, teeth, hungry, quiet, wait. We probably sounded funny, but we tried. So did they. Both kids were willing to repeat phrases in English. A couple times they had no choice. Once Ange-Laurette was in the center of the pool in a float and was obviously trying to tell Bruce to take her back to the side. (She was not fond of her first time in the pool, but she became an underwater fish by day three.) Bruce told her to say, "Take me to the side." Again, she called out the phrase in Kreyole. He repeated his request, and she yelled, "Tate me to da side!" They will learn quickly :)

They loved the pool, playing with dolls, coloring and writing in notebooks, picking out their clothes for each day/night, and choosing snacks from the large stash we brought with us. Tips for other parents traveling, that were shared with us: bring extra pairs of underwear as they insist on wearing them under swimsuits, favorite foods are Cheetos/jerky/poptarts/gummies, bring socks for the tile floors in cold air conditioned rooms, have dissolvable cough strips for the colds they catch, and bring bags of markers with paper to keep them busy during lengthy supper times. Ange-Laurette and the other girls had their hair braided special for our visit but still enjoyed having new beads/bands/barrettes put in each day. They love play watches, jewelry, caps, sunglasses, having their nails painted...just like any other kids their age. Hooded sweatshirts were a must when they got cold after swimming...and extra towels for the room and pool, to add to the only 3 or 4 you will have in your room. Our kids were content with the Disney channel on the television there, rather than sitting through entire DVDs that we had brought along. They also liked just playing matching card games, catch, soccer out in the grounds, jump rope, and talking with their friends. They are experts at making their own fun and playing a "jacks" type of game with rocks they find.

Leaving BRESMA, with the shirts on their backs ~

The other parents were eager to leave the orphanage and get to the hotel to enjoy time with their kids. On our next trip we hope to stay much longer at the orphanage, to spend time with all the children there and to get a better feel for their life there. It seemed strange to have the kids leave the orphanage with only the clothes on their back, but that was all they had. We had packed all the clothes, toys, and snacks they would need for the next 4 days and nights.

So, we all 12 piled in the van for another trip through Port-au-Prince to check in to our hotel. It was Friday afternoon, and we would stay there within the hotel complex until we returned the kids on Tuesday morning. We were encouraged to focus on bonding with the kids and to not venture out to the markets etc. on our own. If we wanted art etc on another trip, we could give the money to our driver to make the purchase...much better deals when not made by actual Americans!

In the van, Pierre immediately took off my sunglasses to wear on the trip. (Luckily we had packed a pair for each...which they insisted on wearing ALL the time...even to supper after dark.) As we drove, they both reached to hold our hands, leaning against us and looking up and smiling periodically. Bruce and I had that "new parents" look...of awe and pride and love! There was such a stark contrast between what we were feeling and would be experiencing at the hotel...and what we saw on the streets along the way. As Bruce and the other parents checked in, I sat with the kids on the couches in the lobby. They were chattering about going swimming and posing for as many photos as I would take. Pierre handed the camera to Ange-Laurette and said "Foto!" for the picture below of us. They also made several trips to the public restroom where they used western toilets and washed their hands in warm water with tons of soap!

A Day We'll Never Forget ~

I can say that for the first time in my life, I was truly speechless. We could scarcely take in the sights and sounds and smells! So much was new, and all we'd read and seen in pictures came to life. Our driver ranked right up there with the best of NASCAR: swerving to avoid potholes, slamming on his brakes to miss motorcycle drivers, inching ahead to discourage children begging at our window, and edging his way between cars to take a turn. The colors of the produce and artwork and clothing were vivid. The heat in the van with 6 others and the smell of exhaust in the city were overwhelming. One second we'd be saddened by a scary looking dog rummaging through the ever-present trash next to a child on the street. The next second we'd smile at a dad holding his young daugher's hand on the way home from school. We were mesmerized and didn't want to forget a single image. We pray we never forget.

So forty five minutes later, we turn off the busy streets and down a quiet alley where he stops. The other parents get out and knock on this gate with a rock. It is the door to the orphanage, where about 50 kids are eagerly awaiting our arrival. We are told that they will be instructed to stay seated at their lunch table and sing us a song as we arrive. Then, the nannies will introduce our children to us. Bruce had the videocamera, and I had the camera all ready to go!

There they were....Ange-Laurette in light blue and Pierre to her right. We could not contain ourselves and waved at them, only to see huge smiles and waves back at us! Without permission, they ran over to us with long, tight hugs. We just kept telling them we loved them and squealed with delight. After a couple minutes, Pierre disappeared and returned with his birthmother, who we knew was the cook at the orphanage. Without an interpreter, we spoke it all through our eyes and different languages. I said, "He's beautiful. Thank you. Are you ok? Are you happy?" She was beautiful and her bittersweet joy in this moment was real. We felt so grateful and so at peace. Again, the evidence of God was that we felt like we had known them forever....and the bond was immediate.