more encouragement...

As I finished "Kisses from Katie," (my now favorite book :), I read an excerpt that just belonged in my blog. This young woman somehow can take my innermost thoughts and feelings about this adoption process (that I was not even aware of yet) and put them into words that motivate me to an unspeakable level. I marvel at her wisdom but most of all her faith. She is able to take every circumstance and see God's hand in it...and to believe that he is in control and that he will bring good from each and every situation! Truly inspiring!

This last week Ange-Laurette had a complete turn-around, likely brought about from the much-anticipated onset of puberty. (Boy, would she ever love that her mom "blogged" that piece of information! :) Ange-Laurette had been basically "glum" for two months, and we were concerned about what we saw as a significant set-back. Her eyes were empty of feeling and the warm fuzzies were no where to be seen, even over Christmas and her birthday. The road ahead looked so long. It was one of those valleys we are sure many parents of ANY child experience at one stage or another. No fun, that is for sure.

Then the morning came that all young girls dread...but she was actually so proud to share the news. She said with a smile, "Don't worry, Mom. I know just what to do. You told me everything." Every day since she has been like a new child...or at least one that we hadn't seen in awhile. She greets us and laughs and listens and sings to herself...and even dances in her room again. When the Bible says that God knows every detail, He is not kidding! I am so grateful that he heard the prayers of Bruce and me...as we begged for a sign of hope or that sense of peace. It arrived...just at the perfect time. Looking back...he ALWAYS does that.

Each and every time that we go through a bump in the road, in the adoption process but also in many other aspects of our lives, we have the chance to see God at work. More than that, we have the chance to make it to the other side and to see him in all his glory. And every time, we are grateful for the experience, no matter how hard. So, this is how the author sums that up:

"Sometimes God and I come out into a desert and he has to carry me through that too. Sometimes I slip a lot on the way out and He has to keep coming back to get me. Always, on the other side is something beautiful, because He has used the hard place to increase my sense of urgency and to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him. I realize that the hard places are good because it is there that I gained more wisdom, and though with wisdom comes sorrow, on the other side of sorrow is joy."

better said in a book...

Updating all of you on the ups and downs of the past two months would take too long tonight. Instead, I will sum it up with an excerpt from the most wonderful book I am reading right now. It is the first book I have read in quite some time. A friend quoted it at a church service celebrating Adoption Month. I have been mesmerized by it ever since. It is called "Kisses from Katie." Included are journal entries from this young American who dedicates her life to Uganda, where she comes to adopt numerous girls as her own. For all of you have adopted, you will love her take on it:

"My family and I get all the questions: Why do you do it? Why so many children? How in the world? Why these specific children? Do you think it's okay to adopt as a single mother? Don't they need a father too? Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race as they are?

We also get the compliments: I don't know how you do it! Good job! You must be so responsible! Your girls must be so well behaved.

We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between. This is our perfectly God-orchestrated familiy. I don't mean to give the impression that this all happened naturally or easily; there were definite struggles involved. I believe that adoption is absolutely God ordained, but it is also about the most unnatural way to grow a family. And it comes with huge heartache and huge God-wrestling.

How do I tell a child I love her when she doesn't know love? How do I expect her to trust me when all she has ever known is broken trust? I prove it. I earn it. I remind them over and over again with words, actions, hugs, and kisses. I remind myself over and over again that Christ incarnated in the parent is the only hope of incarnating Christ in a child. When a child bites me, hits me, or looks into my eyes and tries to shove me away so she can hurt me before I hurt her; when a child overeats to the point of vomiting because she was once so hunghry and is afraid of that hunger or she hides food under her cover "just in case;" when my child cries out for a birthmother or birthfather who was abusive, what then?

I love anyway. I get on my knees and I cry to God about the hurt they have experienced and I ask Him why. And then I remember that a good God who wants good for His children can give only good. I remember that all of this, even this hard part, is working for the good in their lives, for the good of God and His kingdom. I remember that these hardships are gifts that He is using to strengthen us as a family and in Him so that He may transform us into His likeness.

We cherish the grace that is this unique family. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: "These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with."

Wow. I could barely take in how very real these words were to me. The past two months, as we neared the 2 year mark, we experienced some tough set-backs...or at least "continuing tough issues" that FELT like set-backs because we certainly expected them to have subsided by now. They aren't big things, but they are such important things to Bruce and me. The disobeying and lack of remorse and lack of affection were wearing us thin. Yet, we still believed as much as ever that God placed these two specific children in our home, as much for US as for THEM. We laugh at times at how naive we first were...to think that the adjustment would be so natural once they learned English. HA!

We had been told by others to just wait for the one-year mark, when we would truly feel like a family. Yes, that one-year mark was notably different and reassuring. But it has been the 2-year mark that is making us more and more certain that this will be a life-long journey. :)

We love all 5 of our children, and our son's wife, as our own. We would give anything for them! But the warm fuzziness of each relationship progresses at it's own pace, that is for sure. We want to hold true to our promise to be honest and open, yet encouraging and faithful throughout this process....to all of you not as far along in the process and to all of you just starting out the process. When you know for sure that God has called you to adoption, He will follow it through to completion. The author of this book also reminded me that God DOES give us more that we can handle...and that is so we will remember that we must ALWAYS depend on Him.

5th grade conferences...success stories abound!

Any parent can relate...to hear a teacher express her love for your child...and to have her see the very strengths you see...it tickles us pink! Pierre's teacher shared that she has never seen a child work so hard, so willingly, and so gratefully. He brightens each persons' day who works with him, with his bright smile and genuine kindness and interest in others. We give all credit to his birthparents because Pierre arrived in South Dakota that way! He is volunteering to read, even in science...even when his skills are two grade levels below in reading. He asks for grade level work to bring home to try. He is willing to stay in from other activities to do his neatest work. Still, when he arrives home at the end of the day, he is energetic and happy. Where does that kind of spirit come from?! We are so thankful and so proud of him.


Ange-Laurette's teacher pointed out that he just does not see any difference between her and other students as he goes throughout his day. She follows directions, raises her hand to volunteer answers, completes assignments as asked, and joins in group activities with excitement. Although she does struggle with some comprehension and vocabulary still, the teachers don't notice until she asks for help...which we are working on. She just so much wants to fit in and be like everyone else. And she is doing a good job! Her confidence is growing, and we almost have her convinced of her beauty. :) Endless compliments on that hair have helped. Soon, we will have to post the amazing and touching story of my brother-in-law's trip to Port-au-Prince. It was the missing piece to Ange-Laurette's past!

For now, we just wanted to make sure we didn't hit the 2-month mark for "no posts." Life has been busy, but (even more so) "fulfilling and intentional" lately. We are again finding how to reprioritize each hour and live more carefully and purposefully as a family and as individuals. A huge feat in this fast-paced, media world!

Someone thought the same thing!

Rather than finding the music to add the song I was talking about in the previous entry, I found this video of a church mission trip to Haiti in 2010. They understood the "Greater Things." There are so many of you out there with hearts to serve. Let this inspire!

Greater Things

I was touched in church on Sunday by the praise song "God of This City." We sang the words as we watched the screen filled with photos from needy places from all over the world. I have been repeating the words in my head a hundred times since:

Greater things have yet to come. Greater things have still to be done here.

I don't want this adoption story to define us. I don't want this to be the end of our story. I don't want what started out to be a "life mission" to leave us too busy and preoccupied to see beyond ourselves. Taking "time out" for the past 18 months was ok and understandable. Our family needed to be careful with our time and energy to adjust as a new family.

But now, we need to turn back to where we started. We need to be a family who serves and sees beyond our own circumstances. We know the joy and peace that comes! As we kick off our new church school year with small group studies on Prayer, that will be our overarching prayer: that Bruce and I can be examples for our kids by having a renewed focus on WHY we were placed here...in this place and time...and with the specific people we come into contact with.

The adoption of Pierre and Ange-Laurette was simply ONE of his many callings for us. We are confident that it is not our only calling...or our last calling! It was a BIG one, yes. It stretched us (and continues to challenge us) like we never imagined. But it would be a shame to think that we could now "coast."


During that song in church last week, I could hear Pierre singing his heart out. He can now read most of the words, which is a treat for him. When we were praying and the pastor asked us to think of various things to bring before God, I also could hear Pierre. His loud whispers went on and on, as he laid his head on his hands on the chair in front of him. I can guess what he was praying...the same thing he prays each night: that there would be food on every table, that help would come to those in need, that everyone would know that God is there and watching out for them, and that we would always remember to read the Bible to know what God has to say. That boy's testimony will be priceless!

A great start to 5th grade for both

The $1 section at Target had dry erase boards in their Back-to-School section, so I picked up 3. Each of the kids were using theirs to practice spelling words before bed tonight. After tucking them in, I did the usual walk through the house to pick up the miscellaneous items they forgot. This is a photo of Ange-Laurette's dry erase board, as I found it.


I also received an email from her new 5th grade teacher today: "What a lovely girl -- so enjoyable to have in our classes. She is doing remarkable in school considering the fairly short assimilation period since she joined your family."

Yesterday, I ran into Pierre's teacher at the grocery store. This is the first year they are in different classrooms, which has been a good decision that will help their individuality. Mrs. Ellis also had only good things to say about Pierre's progress and effort in school. (We had warned her that she would LOVE him!) She explained: You are right. I do really enjoy having him in class. Oh, that smile!

The fact that all three younger kids can read and write pretty independently is a treat. We were playing "Junior Loaded Questions" last night (a great game where you try to guess who wrote which response). The question came up: "What is your greatest accomplishment?" I explained that it meant something you were proud of or a big success you had. Pierre wrote "Fast ForWord" (the reading program he did each day this summer). Ange-Laurette wrote "making it out of the earthquake." If I would have been totally honest, my response should have been that my greatest accomplishment was "trusting God enough to obey his call to adopt these precious human beings!!"

Good sports at State Softball

The kids are always easily entertained, even on hot weekends of softball out-of-town. We compromise on an amount each can spend on concessions, with them bringing their own allowance to spend for extras. Usually that just means more freezies to keep cool in the 100 degree heat. At the State Softball tournament in Huron, SD, we took a photo by the world's largest pheasant! Now, that is not something you'll see in just any adoption blog! HA!!


Anytime we travel somewhere new, we catch new glances and always more compliments on Ange-Laurette's hair. It is truly gorgeous and hard to resist touching. What used to bother her is actually helping with her self-esteem now. I see her beam each time a teenage girl asks about her hair and says, "I wish I could have my hair like that!" Some adoptive parents dislike the pointed questions from others. We have decided, with the kids in agreement, that it is always an open door to share what God has done. Even for less tactful strangers! We just find a way to share a snipit of our story in a way that might leave them curious or hopeful about God's role in their own life. No, we don't share details that would make the kids uncomfortable. We just twist the question to share what they LIKE to share. :)

So when the librarian frowns and rudely says, "Surely they don't have parents in Haiti still living!" (Seriously, people do say these things in front of the kids!) We answer with a smile, "Oh you wouldn't believe what a great story this is. Their birth parents prayed for a family like ours for them...and then he laid that on OUR hearts...and here we are!" We knew how conspicuous we would always be. God knew that also. To pass up opportunities to share this miracle? No way! :)

So, here's our crazy crew! Nate helped in the dugout in his "mascot" blue wig...obviously HE doesn't mind standing out. Ange-Laurette kept me company in the stands and ran trips to/from the food stands. Pierre usually played DS in the shade. We'll always have good memories of those summer days, watching Bailey endure the heat and stress while pitching inning after inning to win State for Zimmels/Lady Blue. Great days!