Graduated from vision therapy...or so we thought!

Pierre had his 6-week appointment to vision therapy 2 hours away. It had been 6 months of daily eye exercises with the goal of helping his eyes track left to right, making his eyes less strained after reading, and teaching him to focus on the given plane. The doctor agreed that Pierre had met those 3 goals. Also, his last migraine had been 5 weeks earlier...much less frequent than before. So, she announced that he had "graduated." He was to continue wearing his bifocal glasses for reading but could stop the exercises. Well, within the two weeks since the appointment (and no vision therapy), Pierre has had 3 migraines! So, we decided we will go back to the short 15 minutes a day of eye exercises to avoid more migraines. It takes so little time for such a benefit for him.

Our "field trip" after the eye appointment in Fergus Falls, MN, was a trip to Fargo, ND, where none of the kids had been before. We hit Space Aliens for lunch, rode the Scheels ferris wheel, and then topped the day off with Cold Stone ice cream before heading home. You'd have thought we'd been to Disney World. They repeatedly told me how it was the best day of their summer so far! It really was fun to see them out of the ordinary and enjoying the new things around them. They get along so well...as different as they are from each other.

"Learning" to cry again

For any of you who have followed the blog, or any of you close friends who have walked through the past couple years with us, this entry will come as no surprise. For others of you who see the smiling faces and the huge success from the OUTside, a few rolled eyes might ensue. :) Still, this is another story of baby-step progress...and of God's role in it all. Another part of the story we must tell for it to be complete. After 2 1/2 years, Ange-Laurette had still only shed a few small tears...of which she was confused about. We have worked on defining feeling words and the physical signs that go with them. We have talked through various situations that might cause a person to feel sadness/anger/doubt/frustration etc. She has journaled privately, visited with a counselor, and had many opportunities to walk through this with me as well. But if a person's heart is literally LOCKED, then those are just more words that confuse and more evidence to her that she is "not getting" something. So, we continue to create a safe and nurturing environment to help that heart open up. We continue to love, despite a lack of reciprocation...trusting and hoping that God knew what was best by placing us together. Bruce and I had prayed repeatedly about this long and difficult bonding process, with and without Ange-Laurette present. Then, a couple weeks ago the message in church was on how to create godly relationships with our children. When they offered up prayer stations after the service, we all 3 went to a couple up front. We did not know them personally...only that they were prayer warriors who would listen to God and pray what needed to be prayed over Ange-Laurette. Within seconds, they began: praying that she would trust her new parents and accept their hugs and love; that she would let herself weep and cry over all the tough things from her past; and that God would offer an encouraging break-through soon for all of us. The peace and comfort that fell over all of us was amazing! Ange-Laurette lowered her shoulders and took deeper breaths immediately...just a sense of relief of sorts. But the next two days brought the typical disobeying and disregarding of rules and routines. After one night of several "corrections", I suggested she take her journal to the sunroom to just write down all of her thoughts about the past week...to let it all out...just for her to read alone. 20 minutes later, I found her curled up on the chair SOBBING. She explained how she cannot remember anything much from Haiti and wanted to be more trusted but didn't know how. I was so happy to see that emotion. She smiled when I cheered. :) I said, "You know what? You cannot have that much emotion if your heart is still locked! You are opening it up! Now, can I tell you all the things I've wanted you to hear, now that it's open? :)" I proceeded to share how good she has been for our faith and our family...how very much we love her and treasure her...and how we will be patient and hopeful to the end. She melted into my arms for the first time...not all stiff and forced as she had been for years. The next morning, she brought in her journal with a new song she had written (with a dance to go along with that :) It said, "Cuz I know that you love me; cuz I know that you care...and we are gonna get there, someday, some way." Yes, the weeks since have had similar ups and downs...moments that leave us shaking our heads, but also moments that melt our hearts. Here, Ange-Laurette was praying for her birthmother before releasing a balloon, as we do each Mother's Day. Hope. Endurance. Perseverance. We will finish the race...and with God's wisdom will become mature and complete. (James 1)

Where has time gone?!

The Lears are still out here and doing well...just not enough time in the day to play my favorite Sudoku...not to mention to download photos and then write up a journal entry. :)


As we near summer, we will likley try the academic catch-up here at home. The kids are independent enough to do much of the math on the computer and daily reading on their own. Writing and grammar are the areas that need the most work for both kids. Still, with about 90 minutes a day, 4 days a week (motivated by pool time when we're done :) we should continue to bridge the gap by fall. Pierre has moved up nearly two grade levels in reading just this school year. The interventions at school, the glasses, and the vision therapy here at home have been key!! Ange-Laurette has held her own this year, with some occasional oral testing at school, which won't be necessary next year either. Truly amazing after only 26 months of English and schooling!!

Winning essay ~

Pierre could hardly wait to tell us! He had won 1st place out of 500 5th grade essays on "Why I am Proud to Pledge Allegiance to Our Flag." Due to his reading and writing disability, I had written what he wanted to say word-for-word on a dry erase board for him to copy. At the time, it didn't hit me... what depth and insight he had. But, when he came home that day and re-read it to us, it was deeply moving and definitely worthy of the award! He wants to wear his suit later this month when he attends the banquet to receive his recognition and cash reward.

I remember the first day I heard the Pledge of Allegiance. I was new to America and didn't know the words. But I felt proud to be here where I could have freedom like going to school, getting a good job, and praying to God. When I learned the pledge, I liked so many parts.

It calls us a republic, which means we get to vote how we want. In my country of Haiti, people scare you to vote a certain way or keep you from voting.

I'm proud to say "under God" because I believe God had a plan to bring me from the earthquake in Haiti to a new life in America. It also means it was people who believed in God that started our country.

The pledge ends by saying "for all." That means it doesn't matter where you are from or what color your skin is. Everybody can have liberty and justice.

I wish I could thank Francis Bellamy who wrote the Pledge of Allegiance in 1892. He helped me to say everyday what I believe about my country. I'm proud that I have a family in America.

Celebrating 2 years ~

A picture from 2010...as the kids got off the plane in Pittsburgh, after they were evacuated from Haiti. Ange-Laurette is on the left, in a tarp or blanket to stay warm in the bitter cold. We still wish we would've been able to be there to snuggle them up and welcome them in person. They explain to us now, that they had no idea where they were going or when they would see us or even if they would be staying with us.

We will never forget the moment we got to see Pierre and Ange-Laurette after a week of worrying so much for their safety and future. They were so very tired and hungry and traumatized...yet their eyes sparkled when they saw us: "Manman, Papa!"
Then, after the longest two days ever, we were allowed to take them "home." The arrival to South Dakota was as cold as today but with 3 more feet of snow. It was quite the fanfare upon our arrival and the best welcome we could have wished for. God had hovered over those two precious kids day in and day out for so long. On this anniversary, January 20th, our hearts are bursting with thanksgiving!

more encouragement...

As I finished "Kisses from Katie," (my now favorite book :), I read an excerpt that just belonged in my blog. This young woman somehow can take my innermost thoughts and feelings about this adoption process (that I was not even aware of yet) and put them into words that motivate me to an unspeakable level. I marvel at her wisdom but most of all her faith. She is able to take every circumstance and see God's hand in it...and to believe that he is in control and that he will bring good from each and every situation! Truly inspiring!

This last week Ange-Laurette had a complete turn-around, likely brought about from the much-anticipated onset of puberty. (Boy, would she ever love that her mom "blogged" that piece of information! :) Ange-Laurette had been basically "glum" for two months, and we were concerned about what we saw as a significant set-back. Her eyes were empty of feeling and the warm fuzzies were no where to be seen, even over Christmas and her birthday. The road ahead looked so long. It was one of those valleys we are sure many parents of ANY child experience at one stage or another. No fun, that is for sure.

Then the morning came that all young girls dread...but she was actually so proud to share the news. She said with a smile, "Don't worry, Mom. I know just what to do. You told me everything." Every day since she has been like a new child...or at least one that we hadn't seen in awhile. She greets us and laughs and listens and sings to herself...and even dances in her room again. When the Bible says that God knows every detail, He is not kidding! I am so grateful that he heard the prayers of Bruce and me...as we begged for a sign of hope or that sense of peace. It arrived...just at the perfect time. Looking back...he ALWAYS does that.

Each and every time that we go through a bump in the road, in the adoption process but also in many other aspects of our lives, we have the chance to see God at work. More than that, we have the chance to make it to the other side and to see him in all his glory. And every time, we are grateful for the experience, no matter how hard. So, this is how the author sums that up:

"Sometimes God and I come out into a desert and he has to carry me through that too. Sometimes I slip a lot on the way out and He has to keep coming back to get me. Always, on the other side is something beautiful, because He has used the hard place to increase my sense of urgency and to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him. I realize that the hard places are good because it is there that I gained more wisdom, and though with wisdom comes sorrow, on the other side of sorrow is joy."

better said in a book...

Updating all of you on the ups and downs of the past two months would take too long tonight. Instead, I will sum it up with an excerpt from the most wonderful book I am reading right now. It is the first book I have read in quite some time. A friend quoted it at a church service celebrating Adoption Month. I have been mesmerized by it ever since. It is called "Kisses from Katie." Included are journal entries from this young American who dedicates her life to Uganda, where she comes to adopt numerous girls as her own. For all of you have adopted, you will love her take on it:

"My family and I get all the questions: Why do you do it? Why so many children? How in the world? Why these specific children? Do you think it's okay to adopt as a single mother? Don't they need a father too? Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race as they are?

We also get the compliments: I don't know how you do it! Good job! You must be so responsible! Your girls must be so well behaved.

We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between. This is our perfectly God-orchestrated familiy. I don't mean to give the impression that this all happened naturally or easily; there were definite struggles involved. I believe that adoption is absolutely God ordained, but it is also about the most unnatural way to grow a family. And it comes with huge heartache and huge God-wrestling.

How do I tell a child I love her when she doesn't know love? How do I expect her to trust me when all she has ever known is broken trust? I prove it. I earn it. I remind them over and over again with words, actions, hugs, and kisses. I remind myself over and over again that Christ incarnated in the parent is the only hope of incarnating Christ in a child. When a child bites me, hits me, or looks into my eyes and tries to shove me away so she can hurt me before I hurt her; when a child overeats to the point of vomiting because she was once so hunghry and is afraid of that hunger or she hides food under her cover "just in case;" when my child cries out for a birthmother or birthfather who was abusive, what then?

I love anyway. I get on my knees and I cry to God about the hurt they have experienced and I ask Him why. And then I remember that a good God who wants good for His children can give only good. I remember that all of this, even this hard part, is working for the good in their lives, for the good of God and His kingdom. I remember that these hardships are gifts that He is using to strengthen us as a family and in Him so that He may transform us into His likeness.

We cherish the grace that is this unique family. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: "These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with."

Wow. I could barely take in how very real these words were to me. The past two months, as we neared the 2 year mark, we experienced some tough set-backs...or at least "continuing tough issues" that FELT like set-backs because we certainly expected them to have subsided by now. They aren't big things, but they are such important things to Bruce and me. The disobeying and lack of remorse and lack of affection were wearing us thin. Yet, we still believed as much as ever that God placed these two specific children in our home, as much for US as for THEM. We laugh at times at how naive we first were...to think that the adjustment would be so natural once they learned English. HA!

We had been told by others to just wait for the one-year mark, when we would truly feel like a family. Yes, that one-year mark was notably different and reassuring. But it has been the 2-year mark that is making us more and more certain that this will be a life-long journey. :)

We love all 5 of our children, and our son's wife, as our own. We would give anything for them! But the warm fuzziness of each relationship progresses at it's own pace, that is for sure. We want to hold true to our promise to be honest and open, yet encouraging and faithful throughout this process....to all of you not as far along in the process and to all of you just starting out the process. When you know for sure that God has called you to adoption, He will follow it through to completion. The author of this book also reminded me that God DOES give us more that we can handle...and that is so we will remember that we must ALWAYS depend on Him.