A firmer foundation....that's for sure!

So much time has passed...and so quickly! 

With up to 13 basketball games a week this winter (with the 3 youngest playing),

two girls in band, and one in dance...I haven't even had much time to reflect. 

But, when you ask how things are going, Bruce and I will emphatically agree, "Whew!" 

We are able to see the "other side," and we are loving the way our family looks and feels now. 

Yesterday, we met for the first time with a group we just organized:  Child of Mine, Watertown Families United through Adoption.  The plan is to gather about 6 times a year, with speakers and topics chosen by the families attending.  The goal is to recognize the very real and unique joys that come with adoption...as well as sharing in the challenges as well.  It gives the kids and parents a place to connect with others in our community who "understand."  The first night was so fun!  After playing a round of "Minute to Win It" types of games with our individual families, we listed "10 unique things about our family."  As we shared our lists, we noted how only ONE of the items touched on adoption....and how adoption does not need to DEFINE who we are as a family.  Lots of things make each family in our community unique...and we are no different in that aspect.  The best part was the intimate conversation between parents as the kids played outside toward the end.  We could have gone on for hours.  I think we all left feeling supported and validated and encouraged! 

I really swing between wanting my family to just be "normal" and even saying as much within our own walls...but then knowing deep inside that we need to keep acknowledging the reality of all that comes with our transracial adoption here in the upper midwest....and what that means for our kids.  Every single day there is a new way that it touches our lives:  unexpected comments from others, memories from the past, cultural differences in tastes/personalities, and new moments of bonding.  We are constantly learning...but now in a way that doesn't shake us in our shoes the same way!  :)  We have a firmer foundation, a stronger bond, and total faith.  We can see glimpses of the bigger picture God had in mind all along.  Ahhhhh!    

A Word of HOPE

Since January...actually since right about the 3 year mark since the kids arrived from Haiti...Ange-Laurette has changed in ways we really never quite thought possible.  Yes, we prayed for these changes, and we DID trust that God would get us to that point.  But it had been so long in coming, and with so many steps backwards, that we were not sure what to expect or even what to pray for. 

I think I wrote once before about what I heard on a Family Life radio program from a couple that had adopted an older child.  I heard it probably early in the adoption process, but it has given me hope so many times since.  The father admitted this:  "Although I would have given my life for our newly adopted son early on, I did not experience that warm fuzzy for nearly 3-5 years after he arrived."  When I heard it, 3 years seemed like so very long to wait for that true "bonded" feeling.  But knowing that others had loved like we loved...but had to wait for that love back... it just hung in the air during so many dark times. 

When I say "dark," I don't mean that the challenges outweighed the joys.  I just can honestly say that I doubted my own parenting skills and my own love for my adopted child...when all my efforts resulted in repeated disobeying and lack of all feeling in return.  I wondered if this truly was a "calling" from God if it was not resulting in a warm, loving family years into the adjustment.  I wondered if I was expecting way too much.  I wondered if our "date" conversations as a husband and wife would EVER be simply about the weather or the restaurant menu again.  I was exhausted to the core from hourly efforts and explanations and corrections and forgiving.  And the worst part was that, on the outside and from all other friend/acquaintances viewpoints, the adjustment looked totally normal and complete.    

Both Pierre and Ange-Laurette had dozens of friends and were involved in sports every season.  They prayed to God from their hearts and were nearly at grade level in academics.  What others did not see, or stop to notice, was that Ange did not initiate interest in others with questions and could not define a single feeling she experienced.  She did not feel pain or hunger or sadness or fear.  She rarely greeted siblings and never asked about their day.  Each reprimand for disobeying was responded to with a simple shrug and no facial expression whatsoever.  The curse...being a trained psychologist...made this really, really hard to NOT notice or to NOT be overly concerned about.

So, almost out of the blue (although looking back, it occurred after so much effort and intention)...she started writing independently in her feeling journal...FEELING words.  She started laughing harder and more often.  She even cried when mad and disppointed.  When we had our mother-daughter talks after a situation, she leaned into me and apologized....and then remembered the conversation the next day.  We were able to talk REAL about her locked up feelings and about the relationship that we both wanted to have.  The tears flowed many times.  We laughed about how that meant her heart was opening...and it was almost visible how our love for her was finally able to enter in.  She seemed to believe our compliments, listen to our encouragement, and feel remorse.  We were becoming true parents of this child.

 

So, for any of you out there in the tough spots of adoption of an older child...for any of you who thought you had made progress but have been on the backslide...please have faith.  We had one incident since January that reminded me of the past, and (to be honest) I overreacted in fear that we were headed backwards.  When I apologized to her after school about my not-so-nice words/reaction and admitted my fears, she said, "I know.  I was thinking that too!  I don't ever want to go back to feeling that way." 

 

The feeling of distance...of a yearning for what you know could be and will be someday...of a disconnect that others have seemed to overcome ~  That will one day go away. 

But only after constant work and effort, an unconditional love when none flows back your way, and intentional parenting, even when you feel you've reached your limit. 

Hang in for one more day...celebrate each little success. 

Hope is on the Horizon!

 

 

  

There comes a day...

...when we are NOT all about the adoption.  :)  The past 3 years have been consumed with our amazing journey:  our energy, our money, our time, our prayers, and nearly every conversation when we catch up with acquaintances.  It was what it needed to be, and we still believe we did what we needed to do each step of the way.  That being said, we are determined to take the next step into some sense of normalcy!

It was so fun to have Bailey take the spotlight this October.  She attended her first formal, and Dane and Ashley made the trip back to give her full attention (So sweet and meaningful for them to do this!).  She basked in the moment and beamed like the beautiful girl she is SHOULD.  She has been a rock throughout the past few years, taking back seat to many chaotic evenings and waiting up late to get her chance to catch up with her mom.  :)  We are so glad that she took that last trip to Haiti with us.  It gave her the compassion to persevere and appreciate the adjustment process.  Of all we say about Pierre and Ange-Laurette's adjustment, Bailey has withstood the test...and became such a caring and strong young woman in the process. 

And then there is Nate.  Trooper number 2!  As they all grow into their older selves, there are the typical annoyances, especially considering very different personalities.  But his years from 7 to 10-years-old were really a blur to us.  HE always seemed ok with it, but I had an eye-opener this week.  He had gone to get his haircut from a new gal.  Nate loved that his last one knew so much about football and would talk to him about his fantasy teams.  So, on the way, he asked if I thought this new gal liked football.  He was smiling thinking about what new fact he'd share.  She invited us back and immediately started asking about our "two new kids" and how they were adjusting (in a small town, everyone knows the story).  I gave a quick update and tried to turn it back to Nate and his recent win at a basketball tournament.  Again, meaning well and genuinely interested, she asked about the other two and their progress in school...and then even about their past in Haiti.  I could see Nate's face drop as as he slid down in his chair.  This went on the entire haircut:  me sharing a piece of info and turning it back to Nate, and her wanting to know more about Pierre and Ange-Laurette.  My biggest frustration was in MYSELF.  I fall into conversations like this hook line and sinker everytime!  I need a rote response that is tactful but one that moves us to a new level of normalcy, and one that reminds others (and myself) that I have 5 children of equal importance and interest in my life...each of which deserve their time to shine. 

So, no update on the adoption process today.  :)   Just a grateful mom so blessed to be moving into a new season where we are just a family....a conspicuous one, yes....but just a big family with LOTS of special people.   

Her first straightener was a hit!

She is ALL smiles!  Our good friend and hair stylist, Carol, made quite the transformation tonight!  We decided Ange-Laurette was old enough to keep up with the straight hair style...and the style itself added 3 years to her age!  She is only 11, but we can feel the teens in the air.  :)  Like the Visa commercial says, "Priceless" is the look on her face. 

A Reunion ~ from Haiti to Mt. Rushmore

Four Haitian-American families were able to reunite this summer in the Black Hills of South Dakota...and it was the highlight of our summer!  4 of the children had lived together at BRESMA in Haiti and were airlifted out together following the eathquake in 2010.  These 3 families had not seen each other since leaving Pittsburgh that week.  The other 5 Haitian-born children had not lived at the orphanage at the same time, but they shared the same "history."  This made the reunion a unique and special gathering, for them, their 4 American-born siblings, and their parents.  :)  It was so nice to just sit back and spend time with so many people who all understood the experiences/struggles/successes!


The kids re-connected immediately.  They reminisced about foods and pasttimes from their time in the orphanage.  They bragged about how their American moms still cook them rice and beans now.  They talked about how certain subjects in school were so hard.  But, most of all, they just hung out like typical American kids!  All being talented in sports, they stayed up late closing down the basketball and volleyball courts.  The resort allowed for us to gather in one spot and still watch about 5 activities at once.  We piled into our cars to hike around Mt. Rushmore and visit Reptile Gardens one day.  Otherwise, lots of conversation, games, food, and play.  Parents were able to share strategies, insights, and fears...knowing they were safe and in empathetic company.  :)  One mom said of her child, "This is the happiest he has been in a long time."  After returning home, Ange-Laurette said, "Can we do that every year?  That meant a lot."  We plan to have routine reunions every few years, at varied locations... hoping to make it possible for many other families.

   

Graduated from vision therapy...or so we thought!

Pierre had his 6-week appointment to vision therapy 2 hours away. It had been 6 months of daily eye exercises with the goal of helping his eyes track left to right, making his eyes less strained after reading, and teaching him to focus on the given plane. The doctor agreed that Pierre had met those 3 goals. Also, his last migraine had been 5 weeks earlier...much less frequent than before. So, she announced that he had "graduated." He was to continue wearing his bifocal glasses for reading but could stop the exercises. Well, within the two weeks since the appointment (and no vision therapy), Pierre has had 3 migraines! So, we decided we will go back to the short 15 minutes a day of eye exercises to avoid more migraines. It takes so little time for such a benefit for him.

Our "field trip" after the eye appointment in Fergus Falls, MN, was a trip to Fargo, ND, where none of the kids had been before. We hit Space Aliens for lunch, rode the Scheels ferris wheel, and then topped the day off with Cold Stone ice cream before heading home. You'd have thought we'd been to Disney World. They repeatedly told me how it was the best day of their summer so far! It really was fun to see them out of the ordinary and enjoying the new things around them. They get along so well...as different as they are from each other.

"Learning" to cry again

For any of you who have followed the blog, or any of you close friends who have walked through the past couple years with us, this entry will come as no surprise. For others of you who see the smiling faces and the huge success from the OUTside, a few rolled eyes might ensue. :) Still, this is another story of baby-step progress...and of God's role in it all. Another part of the story we must tell for it to be complete. After 2 1/2 years, Ange-Laurette had still only shed a few small tears...of which she was confused about. We have worked on defining feeling words and the physical signs that go with them. We have talked through various situations that might cause a person to feel sadness/anger/doubt/frustration etc. She has journaled privately, visited with a counselor, and had many opportunities to walk through this with me as well. But if a person's heart is literally LOCKED, then those are just more words that confuse and more evidence to her that she is "not getting" something. So, we continue to create a safe and nurturing environment to help that heart open up. We continue to love, despite a lack of reciprocation...trusting and hoping that God knew what was best by placing us together. Bruce and I had prayed repeatedly about this long and difficult bonding process, with and without Ange-Laurette present. Then, a couple weeks ago the message in church was on how to create godly relationships with our children. When they offered up prayer stations after the service, we all 3 went to a couple up front. We did not know them personally...only that they were prayer warriors who would listen to God and pray what needed to be prayed over Ange-Laurette. Within seconds, they began: praying that she would trust her new parents and accept their hugs and love; that she would let herself weep and cry over all the tough things from her past; and that God would offer an encouraging break-through soon for all of us. The peace and comfort that fell over all of us was amazing! Ange-Laurette lowered her shoulders and took deeper breaths immediately...just a sense of relief of sorts. But the next two days brought the typical disobeying and disregarding of rules and routines. After one night of several "corrections", I suggested she take her journal to the sunroom to just write down all of her thoughts about the past week...to let it all out...just for her to read alone. 20 minutes later, I found her curled up on the chair SOBBING. She explained how she cannot remember anything much from Haiti and wanted to be more trusted but didn't know how. I was so happy to see that emotion. She smiled when I cheered. :) I said, "You know what? You cannot have that much emotion if your heart is still locked! You are opening it up! Now, can I tell you all the things I've wanted you to hear, now that it's open? :)" I proceeded to share how good she has been for our faith and our family...how very much we love her and treasure her...and how we will be patient and hopeful to the end. She melted into my arms for the first time...not all stiff and forced as she had been for years. The next morning, she brought in her journal with a new song she had written (with a dance to go along with that :) It said, "Cuz I know that you love me; cuz I know that you care...and we are gonna get there, someday, some way." Yes, the weeks since have had similar ups and downs...moments that leave us shaking our heads, but also moments that melt our hearts. Here, Ange-Laurette was praying for her birthmother before releasing a balloon, as we do each Mother's Day. Hope. Endurance. Perseverance. We will finish the race...and with God's wisdom will become mature and complete. (James 1)

Where has time gone?!

The Lears are still out here and doing well...just not enough time in the day to play my favorite Sudoku...not to mention to download photos and then write up a journal entry. :)


As we near summer, we will likley try the academic catch-up here at home. The kids are independent enough to do much of the math on the computer and daily reading on their own. Writing and grammar are the areas that need the most work for both kids. Still, with about 90 minutes a day, 4 days a week (motivated by pool time when we're done :) we should continue to bridge the gap by fall. Pierre has moved up nearly two grade levels in reading just this school year. The interventions at school, the glasses, and the vision therapy here at home have been key!! Ange-Laurette has held her own this year, with some occasional oral testing at school, which won't be necessary next year either. Truly amazing after only 26 months of English and schooling!!

Winning essay ~

Pierre could hardly wait to tell us! He had won 1st place out of 500 5th grade essays on "Why I am Proud to Pledge Allegiance to Our Flag." Due to his reading and writing disability, I had written what he wanted to say word-for-word on a dry erase board for him to copy. At the time, it didn't hit me... what depth and insight he had. But, when he came home that day and re-read it to us, it was deeply moving and definitely worthy of the award! He wants to wear his suit later this month when he attends the banquet to receive his recognition and cash reward.

I remember the first day I heard the Pledge of Allegiance. I was new to America and didn't know the words. But I felt proud to be here where I could have freedom like going to school, getting a good job, and praying to God. When I learned the pledge, I liked so many parts.

It calls us a republic, which means we get to vote how we want. In my country of Haiti, people scare you to vote a certain way or keep you from voting.

I'm proud to say "under God" because I believe God had a plan to bring me from the earthquake in Haiti to a new life in America. It also means it was people who believed in God that started our country.

The pledge ends by saying "for all." That means it doesn't matter where you are from or what color your skin is. Everybody can have liberty and justice.

I wish I could thank Francis Bellamy who wrote the Pledge of Allegiance in 1892. He helped me to say everyday what I believe about my country. I'm proud that I have a family in America.

Celebrating 2 years ~

A picture from 2010...as the kids got off the plane in Pittsburgh, after they were evacuated from Haiti. Ange-Laurette is on the left, in a tarp or blanket to stay warm in the bitter cold. We still wish we would've been able to be there to snuggle them up and welcome them in person. They explain to us now, that they had no idea where they were going or when they would see us or even if they would be staying with us.

We will never forget the moment we got to see Pierre and Ange-Laurette after a week of worrying so much for their safety and future. They were so very tired and hungry and traumatized...yet their eyes sparkled when they saw us: "Manman, Papa!"
Then, after the longest two days ever, we were allowed to take them "home." The arrival to South Dakota was as cold as today but with 3 more feet of snow. It was quite the fanfare upon our arrival and the best welcome we could have wished for. God had hovered over those two precious kids day in and day out for so long. On this anniversary, January 20th, our hearts are bursting with thanksgiving!

more encouragement...

As I finished "Kisses from Katie," (my now favorite book :), I read an excerpt that just belonged in my blog. This young woman somehow can take my innermost thoughts and feelings about this adoption process (that I was not even aware of yet) and put them into words that motivate me to an unspeakable level. I marvel at her wisdom but most of all her faith. She is able to take every circumstance and see God's hand in it...and to believe that he is in control and that he will bring good from each and every situation! Truly inspiring!

This last week Ange-Laurette had a complete turn-around, likely brought about from the much-anticipated onset of puberty. (Boy, would she ever love that her mom "blogged" that piece of information! :) Ange-Laurette had been basically "glum" for two months, and we were concerned about what we saw as a significant set-back. Her eyes were empty of feeling and the warm fuzzies were no where to be seen, even over Christmas and her birthday. The road ahead looked so long. It was one of those valleys we are sure many parents of ANY child experience at one stage or another. No fun, that is for sure.

Then the morning came that all young girls dread...but she was actually so proud to share the news. She said with a smile, "Don't worry, Mom. I know just what to do. You told me everything." Every day since she has been like a new child...or at least one that we hadn't seen in awhile. She greets us and laughs and listens and sings to herself...and even dances in her room again. When the Bible says that God knows every detail, He is not kidding! I am so grateful that he heard the prayers of Bruce and me...as we begged for a sign of hope or that sense of peace. It arrived...just at the perfect time. Looking back...he ALWAYS does that.

Each and every time that we go through a bump in the road, in the adoption process but also in many other aspects of our lives, we have the chance to see God at work. More than that, we have the chance to make it to the other side and to see him in all his glory. And every time, we are grateful for the experience, no matter how hard. So, this is how the author sums that up:

"Sometimes God and I come out into a desert and he has to carry me through that too. Sometimes I slip a lot on the way out and He has to keep coming back to get me. Always, on the other side is something beautiful, because He has used the hard place to increase my sense of urgency and to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him. I realize that the hard places are good because it is there that I gained more wisdom, and though with wisdom comes sorrow, on the other side of sorrow is joy."

better said in a book...

Updating all of you on the ups and downs of the past two months would take too long tonight. Instead, I will sum it up with an excerpt from the most wonderful book I am reading right now. It is the first book I have read in quite some time. A friend quoted it at a church service celebrating Adoption Month. I have been mesmerized by it ever since. It is called "Kisses from Katie." Included are journal entries from this young American who dedicates her life to Uganda, where she comes to adopt numerous girls as her own. For all of you have adopted, you will love her take on it:

"My family and I get all the questions: Why do you do it? Why so many children? How in the world? Why these specific children? Do you think it's okay to adopt as a single mother? Don't they need a father too? Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race as they are?

We also get the compliments: I don't know how you do it! Good job! You must be so responsible! Your girls must be so well behaved.

We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between. This is our perfectly God-orchestrated familiy. I don't mean to give the impression that this all happened naturally or easily; there were definite struggles involved. I believe that adoption is absolutely God ordained, but it is also about the most unnatural way to grow a family. And it comes with huge heartache and huge God-wrestling.

How do I tell a child I love her when she doesn't know love? How do I expect her to trust me when all she has ever known is broken trust? I prove it. I earn it. I remind them over and over again with words, actions, hugs, and kisses. I remind myself over and over again that Christ incarnated in the parent is the only hope of incarnating Christ in a child. When a child bites me, hits me, or looks into my eyes and tries to shove me away so she can hurt me before I hurt her; when a child overeats to the point of vomiting because she was once so hunghry and is afraid of that hunger or she hides food under her cover "just in case;" when my child cries out for a birthmother or birthfather who was abusive, what then?

I love anyway. I get on my knees and I cry to God about the hurt they have experienced and I ask Him why. And then I remember that a good God who wants good for His children can give only good. I remember that all of this, even this hard part, is working for the good in their lives, for the good of God and His kingdom. I remember that these hardships are gifts that He is using to strengthen us as a family and in Him so that He may transform us into His likeness.

We cherish the grace that is this unique family. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: "These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with."

Wow. I could barely take in how very real these words were to me. The past two months, as we neared the 2 year mark, we experienced some tough set-backs...or at least "continuing tough issues" that FELT like set-backs because we certainly expected them to have subsided by now. They aren't big things, but they are such important things to Bruce and me. The disobeying and lack of remorse and lack of affection were wearing us thin. Yet, we still believed as much as ever that God placed these two specific children in our home, as much for US as for THEM. We laugh at times at how naive we first were...to think that the adjustment would be so natural once they learned English. HA!

We had been told by others to just wait for the one-year mark, when we would truly feel like a family. Yes, that one-year mark was notably different and reassuring. But it has been the 2-year mark that is making us more and more certain that this will be a life-long journey. :)

We love all 5 of our children, and our son's wife, as our own. We would give anything for them! But the warm fuzziness of each relationship progresses at it's own pace, that is for sure. We want to hold true to our promise to be honest and open, yet encouraging and faithful throughout this process....to all of you not as far along in the process and to all of you just starting out the process. When you know for sure that God has called you to adoption, He will follow it through to completion. The author of this book also reminded me that God DOES give us more that we can handle...and that is so we will remember that we must ALWAYS depend on Him.

5th grade conferences...success stories abound!

Any parent can relate...to hear a teacher express her love for your child...and to have her see the very strengths you see...it tickles us pink! Pierre's teacher shared that she has never seen a child work so hard, so willingly, and so gratefully. He brightens each persons' day who works with him, with his bright smile and genuine kindness and interest in others. We give all credit to his birthparents because Pierre arrived in South Dakota that way! He is volunteering to read, even in science...even when his skills are two grade levels below in reading. He asks for grade level work to bring home to try. He is willing to stay in from other activities to do his neatest work. Still, when he arrives home at the end of the day, he is energetic and happy. Where does that kind of spirit come from?! We are so thankful and so proud of him.


Ange-Laurette's teacher pointed out that he just does not see any difference between her and other students as he goes throughout his day. She follows directions, raises her hand to volunteer answers, completes assignments as asked, and joins in group activities with excitement. Although she does struggle with some comprehension and vocabulary still, the teachers don't notice until she asks for help...which we are working on. She just so much wants to fit in and be like everyone else. And she is doing a good job! Her confidence is growing, and we almost have her convinced of her beauty. :) Endless compliments on that hair have helped. Soon, we will have to post the amazing and touching story of my brother-in-law's trip to Port-au-Prince. It was the missing piece to Ange-Laurette's past!

For now, we just wanted to make sure we didn't hit the 2-month mark for "no posts." Life has been busy, but (even more so) "fulfilling and intentional" lately. We are again finding how to reprioritize each hour and live more carefully and purposefully as a family and as individuals. A huge feat in this fast-paced, media world!

Someone thought the same thing!

Rather than finding the music to add the song I was talking about in the previous entry, I found this video of a church mission trip to Haiti in 2010. They understood the "Greater Things." There are so many of you out there with hearts to serve. Let this inspire!

Greater Things

I was touched in church on Sunday by the praise song "God of This City." We sang the words as we watched the screen filled with photos from needy places from all over the world. I have been repeating the words in my head a hundred times since:

Greater things have yet to come. Greater things have still to be done here.

I don't want this adoption story to define us. I don't want this to be the end of our story. I don't want what started out to be a "life mission" to leave us too busy and preoccupied to see beyond ourselves. Taking "time out" for the past 18 months was ok and understandable. Our family needed to be careful with our time and energy to adjust as a new family.

But now, we need to turn back to where we started. We need to be a family who serves and sees beyond our own circumstances. We know the joy and peace that comes! As we kick off our new church school year with small group studies on Prayer, that will be our overarching prayer: that Bruce and I can be examples for our kids by having a renewed focus on WHY we were placed here...in this place and time...and with the specific people we come into contact with.

The adoption of Pierre and Ange-Laurette was simply ONE of his many callings for us. We are confident that it is not our only calling...or our last calling! It was a BIG one, yes. It stretched us (and continues to challenge us) like we never imagined. But it would be a shame to think that we could now "coast."


During that song in church last week, I could hear Pierre singing his heart out. He can now read most of the words, which is a treat for him. When we were praying and the pastor asked us to think of various things to bring before God, I also could hear Pierre. His loud whispers went on and on, as he laid his head on his hands on the chair in front of him. I can guess what he was praying...the same thing he prays each night: that there would be food on every table, that help would come to those in need, that everyone would know that God is there and watching out for them, and that we would always remember to read the Bible to know what God has to say. That boy's testimony will be priceless!

A great start to 5th grade for both

The $1 section at Target had dry erase boards in their Back-to-School section, so I picked up 3. Each of the kids were using theirs to practice spelling words before bed tonight. After tucking them in, I did the usual walk through the house to pick up the miscellaneous items they forgot. This is a photo of Ange-Laurette's dry erase board, as I found it.


I also received an email from her new 5th grade teacher today: "What a lovely girl -- so enjoyable to have in our classes. She is doing remarkable in school considering the fairly short assimilation period since she joined your family."

Yesterday, I ran into Pierre's teacher at the grocery store. This is the first year they are in different classrooms, which has been a good decision that will help their individuality. Mrs. Ellis also had only good things to say about Pierre's progress and effort in school. (We had warned her that she would LOVE him!) She explained: You are right. I do really enjoy having him in class. Oh, that smile!

The fact that all three younger kids can read and write pretty independently is a treat. We were playing "Junior Loaded Questions" last night (a great game where you try to guess who wrote which response). The question came up: "What is your greatest accomplishment?" I explained that it meant something you were proud of or a big success you had. Pierre wrote "Fast ForWord" (the reading program he did each day this summer). Ange-Laurette wrote "making it out of the earthquake." If I would have been totally honest, my response should have been that my greatest accomplishment was "trusting God enough to obey his call to adopt these precious human beings!!"

Good sports at State Softball

The kids are always easily entertained, even on hot weekends of softball out-of-town. We compromise on an amount each can spend on concessions, with them bringing their own allowance to spend for extras. Usually that just means more freezies to keep cool in the 100 degree heat. At the State Softball tournament in Huron, SD, we took a photo by the world's largest pheasant! Now, that is not something you'll see in just any adoption blog! HA!!


Anytime we travel somewhere new, we catch new glances and always more compliments on Ange-Laurette's hair. It is truly gorgeous and hard to resist touching. What used to bother her is actually helping with her self-esteem now. I see her beam each time a teenage girl asks about her hair and says, "I wish I could have my hair like that!" Some adoptive parents dislike the pointed questions from others. We have decided, with the kids in agreement, that it is always an open door to share what God has done. Even for less tactful strangers! We just find a way to share a snipit of our story in a way that might leave them curious or hopeful about God's role in their own life. No, we don't share details that would make the kids uncomfortable. We just twist the question to share what they LIKE to share. :)

So when the librarian frowns and rudely says, "Surely they don't have parents in Haiti still living!" (Seriously, people do say these things in front of the kids!) We answer with a smile, "Oh you wouldn't believe what a great story this is. Their birth parents prayed for a family like ours for them...and then he laid that on OUR hearts...and here we are!" We knew how conspicuous we would always be. God knew that also. To pass up opportunities to share this miracle? No way! :)

So, here's our crazy crew! Nate helped in the dugout in his "mascot" blue wig...obviously HE doesn't mind standing out. Ange-Laurette kept me company in the stands and ran trips to/from the food stands. Pierre usually played DS in the shade. We'll always have good memories of those summer days, watching Bailey endure the heat and stress while pitching inning after inning to win State for Zimmels/Lady Blue. Great days!

Simply HUGE!

I'm finding myself not as frustrated with the little I have accomplished this summer...because the progress of the kids the past two months has been astounding. June left us so scared about the road ahead with Ange-Laurette's "closed heart." We knew we were nearing those preteen years and wanted desperately to connect before then. What has happened since then brings a smile to Bruce and me everytime I get to retell a new story from the day.

There was a situation the other day where Ange-Laurette simply disregarded my suggestions at a social event and chose to be aloof and impolite instead. After me sharing my disappointment and reasons for my earlier requests, I noticed she was wiping her eyes and sniffling. We found a quiet place to talk. I asked if she was sad or mad. She answered genuinely, "I don't know." This had happened before, where she truly did not know why her eyes were watering and could not name the emotion. I gave her choices: Are you mad that I have too high of expectations? Are you sad that I was disappointed? Are you frustrated that it seems like you cannot please us? She thought for a long time and answered, "I think I am sad that you are not happy with me."


This may seem like a small thing to many parents, but HUGE for us here. I hugged her tight and did a happy dance! She smiled as I explained that this meant that her heart was really opening up some. She was beginning to see how her behaviors and attitude affected others...and more importantly, was CARING about those feelings of others.

Later yesterday in the car, Pierre said (pretty out of the blue), "When I have a wife someday, I want us to be just like you and Dad: working hard, kind, and doing fun stuff with my kids." Ange-Laurette piped in, "I want me and my (what do you call it...) husband to be like you and Dad, too." I smiled and said, "Really? Are you sure? Sometimes I am pretty strict? :) " She said, "But ya gotta be like that." Again...HUGE!

Finally, I was leaving for a hair appointment, and she called out, "Mom? Have fun at your appointment! And say hi to Carol for me." THIS was brand-new! What I had hoped she would grow to feel and learn by adolescence was happening in just one month. My cup runneth over!

Anthony Bourdain - No Reservations - Haiti 1:3

My friend (and new adoptive mom of Pierre's cousins) posted this you tube post on her blog. Wonderful summary of the life, food and people of Haiti! There are two other episodes you can watch once you get to this site. We look forward to watching them with the kids, to hear their take on what is shared. Just don't read the comments by naive posters, that are even more sad than many sites of Port-au-Prince.

Ah, that American food!

Yesterday I had made Pierre a bologna and cheese sandwich for his sacklunch at Bible school. Due to the heat, I picked them up early to eat their lunches at home. He was picking at his sandwich and looked queasy in his chair. Unless Pierre is getting one of his migraines, we never see him NOT dive in to his meals. I said, "What is the matter? Do you not like bologna and cheese?" He said, "Oh Mom. It is terrible. I'm sorry but I just hate it." Ange-Laurette does the same with any cold and mushy types of foods: applesauce, pudding, cantaloupe, canned pears. So we talked about which foods they really do and do not like here. Jokingly, I said, "I could make you some of that dish you were eating when we first met you? The corn mash one with black gravy on top?" They both gagged and laughed..."We all hated that! We liked the rice, but no one liked THAT stuff!" Ange-Laurette added, "I am a little too American for that, Mom!"

So, I have prepared their favorite Chicken Creole. Their special meal favorites in Haiti are still their favorites in a similar recipe here: any kind of grilled or baked chicken, spicy pastas, any rice blends, and cheesy potatoes ("graten"). If we could find someone to fish more often with Pierre, that might be his real love. He made his own fishing pole and line out camping with his grandparents recently. But the all time daily treat, each night at bedtime, is still ice cream! They love that their big sister has her first job at our local Zesto ice cream shop.