Ah, that American food!

Yesterday I had made Pierre a bologna and cheese sandwich for his sacklunch at Bible school. Due to the heat, I picked them up early to eat their lunches at home. He was picking at his sandwich and looked queasy in his chair. Unless Pierre is getting one of his migraines, we never see him NOT dive in to his meals. I said, "What is the matter? Do you not like bologna and cheese?" He said, "Oh Mom. It is terrible. I'm sorry but I just hate it." Ange-Laurette does the same with any cold and mushy types of foods: applesauce, pudding, cantaloupe, canned pears. So we talked about which foods they really do and do not like here. Jokingly, I said, "I could make you some of that dish you were eating when we first met you? The corn mash one with black gravy on top?" They both gagged and laughed..."We all hated that! We liked the rice, but no one liked THAT stuff!" Ange-Laurette added, "I am a little too American for that, Mom!"

So, I have prepared their favorite Chicken Creole. Their special meal favorites in Haiti are still their favorites in a similar recipe here: any kind of grilled or baked chicken, spicy pastas, any rice blends, and cheesy potatoes ("graten"). If we could find someone to fish more often with Pierre, that might be his real love. He made his own fishing pole and line out camping with his grandparents recently. But the all time daily treat, each night at bedtime, is still ice cream! They love that their big sister has her first job at our local Zesto ice cream shop.

An article we found from 18 months ago ~

KDLT.com South Dakota News - Haiti Orphans
Last night we spent some time catching up on friends' blogs about adoptions. We found this news report from our kids' homecoming...yet another one we had never seen or been contacted about...with plenty of typos and half-info to boot :) THEN, we read about our adoption coordinator's last trip to Haiti. As she talked about the plight of families there, it was clear that the earthquake may as well have just occurred last week for some of them. Even worse, they are starting to bulldoze some of the tent cities, leaving many families with absolutely no where to go.

It was so good for us to be reminded of all of this. We need to never forget WHY our kids' birthmothers made the choices they did and why WE have been called to parent them. We also don't want our friends and families (and blog readers) to forget. The tireless workers like Diana, Ali and Jamie, and so many others need our continued prayers as they struggle to find safe, loving, nurturing families for the kids in Haiti. Yes, their goal is always to keep them with their families in Haiti. But when those families have no way to provide life's basic necessities to their children, and they beg for a new family for their children...then we pray for God to help cut the red tape and connect the people he has called to complete the circle.

His Grace is sufficient!

Early this summer, we became aware of (or finally admitted) the lack of emotion Ange-Laurette was experiencing, both in expressing her own emotions and recognizing those in others. For so long, we assumed it was simply her personality. After Bruce shared his concerns with me regarding her lack of interest in others and her dislike of answering others' questions, we sat down to talk with her.

In a heartbreaking conversation I will never forget, she was unable to name people she truly "loved" except possibly her birthmother. I said, "Yes, Suzette, your birthmother. Why do you love her?" She said, "because she loves ME?" I asked how she knew that. Ange-Laurete said, "Because she came to check on me after the earthquake." I asked what else made her know her birthmother loved her. She said, "She said so." I asked Ange to remember how her birthmom hugged her, how many times she kissed her, and how her eyes looked when she said goodbye. Ange-Laurette recalled that her birthmom squeezed so hard she could hardly breathe. She kissed her many times, and her eyes were full of tears. I said, "You are right. THAT is what love looks like. Do you see that?" She shrugged and looked only half-convinced.

Over the past month, we have talked about what love looks and feels like, as well as what other emotions such as disappointment/grief/anger look and feel like. Bruce and I were pretty upset. We had had been boasting about her resiliency and strength all this time. Yes, she does possess those. But, the truth was that we had a little girl who had completely closed off her emotions altogether to survive the past 6 years of life experiences. It is not that she didn't like us or appreciate us or love being here in our family. She just was not allowing herself to "feel" the wide range of emotions to the core.

I prayed that god would give me the opportunity and the words to break through. On a long car ride mid-June, just Ange-Laurette and myself, God gave me the words out of nowhere! Seriously, I was speaking and just smiling to myself thinking, "This is good!" :) I asked her to listen carefully and think about this. I said that when she was 4 and witnessed her dad's death, lost her home in a hurricane, spent months searching for a new home, watched her mother place her baby sister in an orphanage, and then decided to choose adoption for her as well....her mother was likely unable to take care of Ange-Laurette's grief and fears. Ange-Laurette, out of survival, had to close up her heart. I cupped my hands together to show her how her heart locked up all her emotions inside...like the plastic heart at Valentines that held candy inside. I explained that, by doing that, she kept herself from feeling sad, scared, disappointed, or anything that might hurt. At the same time, she could not feel others' love or even daily joys anymore. I explained that she was the only one who held the key to opening her heart again. I told her I would be here for her each day as she slowly opened it, like a flower in spring. The problem was that as she started to feel love and to love others again, she might also feel sadness or anger about things from the past too.

As I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw her cup her hands together just like mine. She watched me intently, like she rarely had before. I asked if she understood. She nodded but then plugged in her Mp3 player again. I was not sure how much she had heard. Later that night, as Bruce and I tucked her into bed, I asked her to tell Bruce what she remembered about our conversation in the car.

She demonstrated how her heart had gotten locked up and said that she was the only one with a key. She said, "When I saw my dad killed and no one could make me feel better, I closed my heart so I wouldn't feel anything. Now I need to open it up a little bit like a flower." I asked her what might happen then. She said, "I can start to feel that you love me, but I might get sad again, too." WOW! We could not believe it. She had listened and had heard it. We practiced a "tight" squeeze hug, and tucked her in...for a new day ahead.


Since that night, so many moments have shown her growing ability to feel. She is using feeling words. We are able to talk about how being held as an infant and being changed when wet etc teach kids early on to trust others. She knows that her parents did everything they could, but she also knows that it is impossible to meet your baby's most basic needs in Haiti. Now, we are focusing our efforts on bonding with her and building that trust, rather than assuming it will grow naturally. When she says, "I can't" or shows low self esteem, we can name it and help her with positive self statements: "I'm learning more everyday. I am amazing!"

At first we felt guilty for not recognizing this earlier. Then we felt angry for not being more educated on the very real possibility of these minor attachment issues. Next, we were overwhelmed at the mountain ahead of us. But, with that one REAL conversation in the car and many more in the weeks since, we are so encouraged! Getting it out in the open and admitting no one was to blame...it was huge!! She doesn't have to feel like we dislike her insensitive personality...we don't have to wonder what we are doing wrong. It is a very understandable and common result from not having basic needs met early on...and from experiencing multiple traumas in childhood.

Our compassion for her, and Pierre as well, has grown exponentially. For the first 18 months, we were in survival mode. Our energies were on the adjustment, the language, the rules, the schooling, and just the day-to-day activities. Now, we know to stop, to sit together, to talk about their past, and to dream of future days together as a family. We are ready to see all of this from a God's eye perspective again...like we were able to do in the beginning. Bruce turned to this passage this morning:

2 Cor. 12: 9-10 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."


If the kids' adjustment had been totally smooth, we would not have found ourselves on our knees asking for God's strength. If we had not taken on this calling, we would not have so many stories of his "grace." Without the hardships and difficulties, our faith would be weak...because we would have no idea how perfect God is in keeping his Word!! So, I am "boasting of our weaknesses" and knowing his grace will be sufficient. Amen!

Summer fun!

A new, fun swimsuit is worth it for this "fish"!














An end-of-season soccer party that ended up being more football, swimming, and beanbag than soccer!



They found out that you don't really make a lot of money when you have 5 workers each shift of the lemonade stand!

Helpful tips on attachment issues ~

Although all of our friends and family see both kids as very well adjusted and endearing (as WE have also professed so many of the previous months), we have still had our difficulties at home with one of them. The issues are somewhat mild, but tough on the heart. As we struggle to work through attachment issues that are so common with children whose needs were not met in their early years, we found the helpful tips in the given website. Research shows that one of the most difficult issues with attachment disorders is that a family's support network does not see the same issues with the children. That, in itself, is part of the disorder. The child attaches more easily to others than the parents. Then, at home, they lie and manipulate and lack affection for their new parents. They have very low self-esteem and rely heavily on help from other adults, pretending to not know answers, etc.

So, in keeping with our vow to share openly with readers, we admit this struggle. We want to offer an honest reflection on this adoption experience. Soooo many more pros than cons...but hurdles around every corner, even 18 months after their arrival "home."

Read this article for some great tips on parenting your own child with attachment issues: http://www.attachmentdisordermaryland.com/parenting.htm

Encouragement as summer begins ~

Before I tackled the craziness of a new summer routine, I opened the Bible for some encouragement. As always, God spoke exactly what I needed to hear, through the words of Timothy:

1 Timothy 1:12 "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service."

This passage reminded me two things. First...whenever people say to me, "How do you do it?!" or when they praise Bruce and me for what we've done through adoption, I need to take the opportunity to tell them that it has only been by God's strength. There is no other human explanation, because this has required EVERYthing Bruce and I were lacking: 1) patience, 2) the ability to put God in the driver's seat, and 3) total trust in God for direction.

Secondly, this passage reminded me that God called me to this mission because he "considered me faithful." He knew it would force me to rely even more on him. He also knew it would further his kingdom in so many behind-the-scenes ways. When I share this adoption story, I can literally see people's minds clicking and hearts stirring. It is as if their spirits were starting to whisper, "I want to do something big. What can I do? Where would I get that strength?" THAT is where the Holy Spirit begins to do its work.

So, at the beginning of what is sure to be a busy (and sometimes stressful) summer ~ I still thank God for his trust in me...for these 4 precious souls that he entrusted me with. I know he waits for me each day to turn to him for strength. May he tug at me each morning to seek peace of mind through reading the Bible. Only with his help will I be able to do him even a bit of justice on this Earth.

I concluded my short devotion for the day, reading two verses farther:

1 Timothy 1:14 "The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus."

Sooooo, I should be able to do this...right?! :)

Mother's Day surprise EARLY!

The kids are beaming in their beds right now. We had been reading a book I give moms of graduating seniors. It talks about all the "lasts" we forget to treasure as our little ones grow up: the last time they asked to be held, their last mid-day nap, their last soccer goal, etc. I was sharing with Pierre and Ange-Laurette how much I would have loved to see them crawl to me...or to hold them for hours as they ate as a newborn...or to see them learn to walk! I said that their own birthmothers did such a wonderful job with them, we can tell!

We talked about how to honor Pierre and Ange-Laurette's birthmothers again this Mother's Day. Last year, we had written notes to put in helium balloons. Then after praying praise to God for the whole adoption process and the gift these two women gave to our familiy, we released the balloons on Mother's Day. They really want to do that again this year.

We decided that, even though we didn't have any good way to communicate with their families in Haiti, we should try to call. Both kids have lost all of their Creole for now. They cannot remember any key phrases, and they for sure do not understand native speakers...at their speed and accent. Ange-Laurette has only had the one call last spring with her birthmother. The conversation was short, and Ange-Laurette has not wanted to call again since. Tonight, we didn't give her a choice...and we are SO glad!

I dialed the cell phone number I had for her birthmother. The minute she heard Ange-Laurette say her name, she squealed with delight. She kept repeating her name and asking if she was ok. They were only able to exchange the few basics that Bruce and I learned for our trip to Haiti: "How are you? I miss you. I love you. I am very fine." Then, I tried to thank her again and tell her how much we love Ange-Laurette...how beautiful she is. Her birthmother said that she had received the photobook we had delivered to Haiti. (Luckily that is easy enough to understand since "fotos" is "photos" :) Her voice was strong and full of joy. She had a short chuckle like Ange-Laurette has, and they did so at the same time when Ange-Laurette asked "pale angle?" (do you speak English?)...and her birthmother gave a definitive "no." After the phone call, Ange-Laurette danced throughout the house and ran to tell Pierre about it. They jumped up and down, repeating each word.

(talking with Pierre's birthmother our first visit - March 2009)

Pierre, too, was able to connect with an older brother who speaks a few things in English. His birthmother was there and talked with him briefly. She had received her photo book also and thanked us over and over. Pierre was not as frustrated this time, trying to communicate. He just said what he wanted to in English and persisted as if they understood. His eyes sparkled in a way that is hard to explain. But it was the PERFECT Mother's Day gift to me as well.

Just to know my kids know who they are. To see them feel so loved. To watch their whole bodies fill with pure joy. To see God's hand in it all....again, for this moment in time.



So many busy days I overlook the many little miracles it took for these two children to be safe and sound in their warm beds tonight. I underestimate their deep attachment to two other women a world away. I forget the importance of keeping them connected, if even for a 3 minute phonecall a few times a year. I am so grateful for the love they had for their children, and the privilege to provide them with the life they so desired for them! It's a HAPPY Mother's Day in Port-au-Prince...and here in South Dakota.